What is a good old age? What is a good time to die?
Sarah dies at age 127 at the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, Chayyei Sarah (“Life of Sarah”).
And Sarah died in Kiryat Arba, which is Hebron, in the land of Canaan. And Abraham came to lament for Sarah and to wail for her. (Genesis/Bereishit 23:2)
At the end of last week’s portion, Vayeira, Abraham and Sarah lived in Beersheba. Now Sarah dies in Hebron, 26 miles (42 km) northeast of Beersheba, near the grove where they camped during their first sojourn in Canaan. Abraham travels there to perform ritual mourning and purchase a burial site. The couple appear to have separated, and Abraham’s ritual mourning is emphasized, as if he needs to make a show of grief.
At the end of this week’s Torah portion, Abraham dies at age 175.
And Abraham breathed his last and he died at a good old age, old and savei-a, and he was gathered to his people. (Genesis 25:8)
savei-a (שָׂבֵעַ) = satisfied, sated, with plenty, contented.
Sarah’s death, despite her advanced age, is treated as tragic. Abraham’s is good. What makes their final years different?
Sarah’s Old Age
Sarah was already old when she finally had a baby—at age 90, according to last week’s Torah portion. (See my post Vayeira: Laughter, Part 1.) Right after God announced the miraculous pregnancy, Abraham took his 89-year-old wife to Gerar. She was still so attractive that Abraham passed her off as his sister, and the king of Gerar “took” her.1 (In Biblical Hebrew, when a man “takes” a woman, it means he has sexual intercourse with her in order to make her his wife or concubine.) In the Babylonian Talmud (Bava Metziah 87a), Rav Chisda explained that after the annunciation, Sarah’s worn and wrinkled skin was rejuvenated, and her beauty returned.
Before the king of Gerar touched Sarah, God told him in a dream that she was married, and unless her husband Abraham interceded, the king would die. King Avimelekh returned Sarah to Abraham, showered him with gifts, and invited him to live anywhere in the territory. Abraham and his household settled in Beersheba, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac.
But at Isaac’s weaning feast three years later, Sarah was full of anxieties. (See my post Vayeira & Toldot: Laughter, Part 2.) She worried that people would mock her, and she was afraid that Isaac’s older half-brother, Ishmael, would inherit the firstborn’s double portion of Abraham’s wealth, even though Ishmael was the son of a slave. So Sarah tried to secure her own son’s future by telling her husband to exile Ishmael and his mother.2 God backed up her request and Abraham obeyed.
Nevertheless, when Isaac was a young man God told Abraham to sacrifice him as a burnt offering.3
According to one strand of classic commentary, Sarah dies of shock when she learns that Abraham almost slaughtered her beloved Isaac.4 This explanation implies that she had moved back to Hebron earlier, leaving Isaac with his father, and that news of the Akedah reached her there. But why would she separate from her husband and stop watching over her son when nothing else was happening? It would make more psychological sense if Abraham sent her back to Hebron because he resented her for making him exile Ishmael and Hagar—or if Sarah left her husband only after he tried to slaughter Isaac.
Whenever Sarah moved away, she also lost contact with her son. Isaac walked away alone from the altar where Abraham almost sacrificed him, and later in this week’s potion we learn that he settled farther south, in the Negev.
At the beginning of Chayyei Sarah, Sarah dies at 127, and Isaac is 37. He is not present at his mother’s funeral.
What is a good old age, a good death? When I asked some of my friends, we concluded that the best ending would be:
- Having fulfilled your mission in life, whatever that turned out to be.
- Doing something meaningful with your last years.
- Having a loving connection with someone during your last years.
- Leaving no unfinished business (such as making amends, arranging inheritance).
- Dying in a calm state of mind.
Sarah raised a son in her old age, fulfilling the mission God gave her. But the Torah does not say that she did anything after she moved back to Hebron. She was alienated from her husband, and out of contact with her son. She died among mere acquaintances, in a state of either shock or bitterness.
Abraham’s Old Age
Abraham suffered during what turned out to be his early old age in the Torah portion Vayeira. At 103, he had to drive out his concubine Hagar and his beloved son Ishmael. And the thing was very bad in his eyes. (Genesis 21:11)
When his remaining son, Isaac, was a young man, he carried out God’s orders to sacrifice him. Although God stayed his hand at the last minute, he never saw Isaac again, and his wife never forgave him. In this week’s Torah portion Sarah dies when Abraham is 137, and he still feels guilty about her.5
Yet after that Abraham lives another 38 years in Beersheba. His first order of business is to send his steward to Aram to arrange a suitable marriage for Isaac. (He sees no need to consult his son about this; the important point is that Isaac’s descendants are supposed to inherit the land and God’s blessing. Isaac has to marry a woman from his father’s clan and religious background, so that he can produce those descendants.)
After the steward is dispatched, Abraham takes a new concubine for himself.
And Abraham continued, and he took a woman, and her name was Keturah. (Genesis/Bereshit 25:1)
Keturah (קְטוּרָה) = incense, smoke from incense.
The name Keturah is suggestive. Biblical Hebrew, like English, associates heat and fire with passionate emotion. Fragrant smoke is something to savor and enjoy; the smoke from a burnt offering or an incense pan is the part of an offering that gives God the most pleasure. Abraham and Keturah have six sons—another indication that at long last, Abraham has a passionate relationship with a woman.
He has already fulfilled his mission in life by moving to Canaan, accumulating wealth to pass on to his heirs, making a covenant with God through circumcision, and producing the correct son to fulfill God’s prophecy that his numerous descendants will own Canaan and be a blessing to other peoples. He has even furthered God’s plan by getting Isaac married to his cousin Rebecca.
Abraham also does something meaningful in his last years: raising six more children. We can assume he has a loving connection with them; he certainly has one with Keturah. And he leaves no unfinished business. When his sons through Keturah have grown up, Abraham resolves his inheritance ahead of time.
Abraham gave everything that he had to Isaac. And to the sons of the concubines he had, Abraham gave gifts, and while he was still alive he sent them away from his son Isaac, eastward to the land of Kedem. (Genesis 5-6)
Abraham dies not only in a calm state of mind, but savei-a: satisfied, contented.
Our Own Old Age
When we are in the thick of life, we do not know whether we will die like Sarah or like Abraham. But we can improve our chances of dying “at a good old age, old and satisfied” (Genesis 25:8).
During our most active years, may we keep asking ourselves what our true mission in life is, and how we can realign ourselves to carry it out.
May we still do things that are meaningful to us and give us satisfaction when that God-given work is completed (perhaps when we retire from a career, perhaps when a cause or a beloved individual no longer needs our efforts, perhaps when our bodies or circumstances change).
May we keep learning how to love, keep working on the relationships that are worth continuing, and keep making new friends as long as we live.
May we take care of our own business as we go along, so that whenever we leave this world we leave nothing important undone.
And may we cultivate awareness and gratitude, making a calm and contented state of mind a habit that we never lose, even at the end.
Then no matter when death comes, at that moment we can be satisfied with our lives.
- Genesis 20:1-3.
- Genesis 21:9-13.
- Genesis 22:1-12.
- Rashi (11th-century C.E. Rabbi Shlomoh Yitzchaki) cites the opinion of Rabbi Yose in Genesis Rabbah 58:5.)
- Moshe Anisfled, “Rashi’s Midrashic Comments Are Supported by a Broad Range of Biblical Texts”, Jewish Bible Quarterly, p. 144.