Abraham, in the book of Genesis/Bereishit, is the decisive ruler of his household of about a thousand people. He never consults or asks favors of anyone except his wife Sarah and God.
When Abraham is 137 years old, God tells him to sacrifice his son Isaac, then rescinds the order at the last second. (See my post Lekh-Lekha & Vayeira: Going with the Voice.) Then his wife Sarah dies, and Abraham decides it is time for their son Isaac to marry. He summons his head servant, Eliezer, and gives him instructions for procuring the appropriate wife—without consulting his 37-year-old son Isaac.
And I will have you swear by God, god of the heavens and god of the land, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites in whose midst I am dwelling. Because you must go to my land and to my moledet, and [there] you shall take a wife for my son, for Isaac. (Genesis/Bereishit 24:3-4)
Where is Abraham’s land? It might be the city of Ur Kasdim, where he was born and married Sarah; or the town of Charan in Aram, where he lived for decades before God called him. Or it might be the land of Canaan, where he has lived for the past 50 years or so, mostly in Hebron and Beersheba.
The word moledet clarifies that Abraham means Charan, because that is where his brother Nachor’s family still lives.
This raises a question for Eliezer. God has promised the land of Canaan to Abraham’s descendants, and since Abraham’s older son, Ishmael, has been exiled, that means Isaac’s descendants. Yet the custom in that part of the world was for the husband to leave his parents and live near his wife’s family.
Even the Garden of Eden story alludes to this custom:
Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and he will cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
Later in the book of Genesis, Isaac’s son Jacob marries two of his cousins in Charan, and remains there for 20 years. This is the cultural norm.
Yet Eliezer suspects that Abraham does not want Isaac to move from Canaan to Charan.
And the servant said to him: What if the woman will not consent to follow me to this land? Should I really bring back your son to the land that you left? (Genesis 24:5)
Abraham’s reply is clear.
And Abraham said to him: Guard yourself, lest you bring my son back there! God, god of the heavens, Who took me from the house of my father and from the land of my moledet, and Who spoke to me and Who swore to me, saying “To your seed I will give this land”—May [God] Itself send Its angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman does not consent to follow you, then you will be cleared from this oath of mine. Only you must not bring my son back there! (Genesis 24:6-8)
Why is it so important for Isaac to marry a non-Canaanite, yet stay in the land of Canaan? The commentary offers several suggestions, including:
1) God promised to give Canaan to Abraham’s descendants. In order to be prepared for God’s gift, these descendants must be distinct from the Canaanites (rather than intermarried), and they must be living in Canaan, so they are attached to the land and willing to change from resident aliens to owners.
2) Even a short visit to Charan would seduce Isaac away from his father’s religion. The early 20th-century rabbi Elie Munk cites Abraham’s “constant concern for sheltering his son from all influences able to jeopardize the purity of his religious ideas”.
Later in this week’s Torah portion, Abraham’s extended family in Charan refer to God by the same four-letter name as the God of Israel. But in another portion, Vayeitzei, we learn that the household also keeps terafim, statues of household gods.
3) A Canaanite wife would corrupt Isaac, since Canaanites are morally degenerate. 19th-century rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch summarized this opinion by noting that although both the Canaanites and the Aramaeans of Charan worshipped the wrong gods, the Canaanites were also “morally degenerate”.
Although moral issues are not mentioned in Genesis, the book of Leviticus/Vayikra warns the Israelites about the morals of the Canaanites when God says:
…like the deeds of the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you—you shall not do! (Leviticus/Vayikra 18:3)
Then God gives the Israelites a list of forbidden sexual partners, and concludes:
Do not become defiled through any of these [sexual practices], because through all of these they became defiled, the peoples that I will be driving away from before you. (Leviticus 18:24)
All three of the above explanations assume that Isaac cannot be trusted–either to pick out his own wife, or to commit himself to the land God promised. Isaac is seen as weak and easily influenced, ready to abandon what he learned from his father.
Since Abraham does not trust Isaac, no wonder he sends Eliezer to arrange his son’s marriage and bring back the bride!
And why should Abraham trust Isaac, when he knows that Isaac has rejected him?
In last week’s Torah portion, Vayeira, the 37-year-old Isaac trusts his father so much that he follows him to the top of Mount Moriyah and lets the old man bind him on the altar as a sacrifice. I can only conclude Isaac believes that Abraham heard God correctly, and that God really ordered the sacrifice. Isaac is completely devoted to the god of Abraham and will do whatever this god requires.
Abraham lifts the blade, then hears God’s voice telling him to stop. He stops and substitutes a ram for his son on the altar. God talks to him some more, and then Abraham walks back down the mountain–alone. The Torah does not say where Isaac goes.
Sarah, Isaac’s mother, dies, but only Abraham shows up to bury her. The Torah never reports father and son in the same place at the same time again. Their mutual trust is broken. The next time we see Isaac, he is living at Beir-Lachai-Roi, some distance south of Abraham’s home at Beersheba. Abraham’s servant brings Isaac’s bride directly to Beir-Lachai-Roi, probably because he knows Isaac would never return to his father’s home to meet her.
The Torah does not say why Isaac turns against the father he trusted. My guess is that the interrupted sacrifice proves to Isaac that
1) Abraham does not always know what God wants, after all, and
2) his father is willing to kill him anyway.
So Isaac separates from his father. For all Abraham knows, Isaac rejects God as well. But Abraham still wants descendants—descendants who will be suitable to receive the gift of Canaan from God. So Abraham goes ahead and arranges his son’s marriage.
If this were a modern story, Abraham’s plot would backfire. Isaac would reject the bride Eliezer brings back from Charan, and find his own wife and his own religion.
But in the book of Genesis, Isaac falls in love with his cousin Rebecca from Charan. He stays in Canaan, and he continues to worship the god of Abraham his whole life. Isaac is wise enough not to let his mistrust of his father infect his relationships with other people or with God.
May we all be able, like Isaac, to distinguish between a person we cannot trust and the individuals and ideas connected with that person.